by: Gabe Weigle 2/9/21

People love talking about how angry they are these days. Whether it is politics, business, or sports, everyone is really pissed. Heck, we even like to get our news these days from people yelling at us. 

We all know anger is not good for us, but it is so gosh-darn entertaining that most of us can’t stop engaging in it. Don’t get me wrong; there are people who are completely chilled out in 2021 but it’s like 4 people in a monastery in Tibet, and the other 20 monks are pissed that they are so Zen. So, let’s discuss some ways to manage our anger in this new day and age.

Identify the Triggers

If you habitually find yourself getting angry, consider taking a look at what is causing this emotion. Say you tend to get angry every time you turn on your computer, watch TV, or interact with a form of media in any way. That might be something to take note of. It is not the media’s job to keep you calm, so you will need to establish anger management strategies to successfully keep you the little ball of sunshine you were destined to be. The good news is that I am going to give you some techniques to calm yourself down. The bad news is Aunt Lisa has been watching cable news 24/7 and has brought a whole damn basket of food for thought for you to munch on. 

It’s OK. We can do this! Let there be ZEN!

Evaluate Your Anger

When anger grabs a hold of you, it is important to ask yourself if it is a helpful or harmful emotion in this situation. Let’s say a “friend” of yours who constantly talks over you or takes advantage of your generosity then sends an angry mob of protesters into your workplace to do God-knows-what to you. It might be time to find a new friend Mike. Being angry at this person could be helpful to end an unhealthy relationship.

Anger can also be harmful if it is making it difficult for you to have productive relationships with people. Say you just cancelled your trip to Italy because somehow Covid-19 is still happening, and just as you hit cancel, your loved one asks you, “Why do you fold the towels that way?” You then proceed to throw your laptop against the wall screaming, “Why are you this way?!” This kind of reaction helps no one. Though, someone did need to tell you that your towel-folding is a damn disaster!

Recognize Warning Signs and Leave the Situation

A lot of people get swept up in their anger before they can think about it, so it can be tough to catch the warning signs. Next time you get angry, pay attention to what your body feels like. Does your face get warm? Eyes grow larger? Talk more with your hands? Throw electronics? Once you feel yourself going there, it is important to leave the situation until you can calm down and have a thoughtful conversation. For instance, my father and I got into an argument over a Ravens/Steelers football game since we both cheer for different sides. I left the room because I didn’t want to say anything that could harm our relationship. 5 years later we finally talked about our differences, and we now have a marginally better relationship for it.

During the pandemic, this strategy can prove difficult if you cannot actually leave the situation. Many people are stuck together in the same homes like never before. So, instead of physically leaving the situation I have found that verbally leaving the situation also works. Personally, I find that scream-singing 90’s R&B songs when anger arises helps me feel calm and leaves my counterpart confused and intrigued. Say your partner asks, “Didn’t I ask you to do the dishes and pull your car out so I can go to the grocery store?” You got stuck on a work call because your boss is using satellite internet to host your meeting, and it ran long so you did not get a chance to do these things. Instead of screaming, “I was working late!!!” You could scream, “I like the way you work it! No Diggity I GOT TO BAG IT UP!” This will not only diffuse the situation, but also let’s your partner know that you are losing your damn mind and they should circle back later with that conversation.

Talk to a Friend

Venting can help release anger, but be mindful of who you choose to confide in. For instance, if your friend is your personal hype-man, you might want to avoid certain conversations with Kim “Flava Flav” Miller. You will be like, “My boss never thanked me for the work on the Telex project,” and Kim would answer, “They never appreciated you!! You should smack your boss in the face and take a shit in his car!” This kind of slight overreaction is not what you need to solve the problem. 

You want to talk to a friend who will bring a realistic solution to help you solve the problem. Keep in mind that you will also need to be careful there,because after this friend gives you great advice, you might experience something called jealous anger. “Yeah, Jen, scheduling a meeting with my boss to chat about my feelings one on one is a great idea…YOU HAVE ALL the ANSWERS DON’T YOU, JEN?!! JUST BECAUSE YOU AND BRENT BOUGHT A BEACH CONDO DOESN’T MAKE YOU GOD!!!”

Get Moving

Anger can cause a rush of energy that, if dealt with in a positive way, can be a good thing. One way to channel that energy is to go on something I like to call a “RAGE RUN!” A lot of trainers will tell you to pace yourself but not a RAGE RUN! You put the pedal to the metal and sprint through your local park like a damn lunatic. You will be moving at a high speed, so be courteous to other people on the path but at the same time, you are on a RAGE RUN so let it out. Instead of yelling, “On your left!” or, “ On your right!” turn it up and yell something like, “I am going to live forever!” or “CHARLAMAGNE!!!” This lets your body release some of that negativity and increases that heart rate in a good way. When you collapse in your front yard, you will know that you can start anew with a clean slate and live from a place of peace.

Turn the Dial on Anger

If a rage run is a little too aggressive and against your probation, maybe you can find a different way to channel the anger emotion. You could knit, paint, garden, and play with your kids. Though be careful playing with your kids if you are still pretty angry. I mean, a game of catch could turn into you throwing a 4 seam fastball at a ten-year-old, ruining everyone’s day and spurring a future therapy visit for said child. Painting might be best done alone as well. That way, on wine night with the girls when everyone paints a sunset over the ocean but you paint the Titanic sinking in the distance (or maybe just a simple pile of shit), it won’t harsh anybody’s vibe.

Time to Relax Box

If you know you are going to have a tough day, sometimes it might be nice to create a “Relax Box” to open when you get home. The box should be full of things that can bring you a sense of calm. You can include a calming quote, a picture of a beautiful landscape, and a wonderful smelling candle. Though, if that doesn’t make you feel relaxed you can go another way with your box. Perhaps whiskey, fireworks, the movie Footloose, and the musical stylings of Celine Dion? It really is up to you in what makes you feel grounded and ready to invite the world in again. Remember that you are responsible for your happiness, so don’t let anyone take dancing in a barn away from you!

Talking to a Doctor

Mental health checkups should be looked at the same way as therapy for a sprained ankle. If you are having trouble with your anger and having a hard time getting your mind to a place where you can live a productive life, go see a doctor. I know some of the stigma has been removed from it, but it really is for the person who says, “I’m good,” when deep down they know they are not. No jokes in this one because your mental health is how you drive the vehicle you call your body around. Best to avoid an accident at all costs and talk to a professional if you have the slightest notion you might want to. Be kind to yourself.