written by Gabe Weigle 9/1/2020
Working remotely has been a wonderful work experience for me. In the remote environment, you can carefully control your surroundings. Lunch breaks, distractions, and travel can be easily managed since you do not have to commute to work. Of course, there are some drawbacks to working from home that I wanted to share. It is tough to vent to your coworkers about working from home since many people consider it a luxury, so I am going to bitch to you all about them. Sit back and relax as I teach you how to be the boss of your home environment.
- You Are Going to Feel Left Out
When you work in the office, you are much more likely to be up to date on all of the office rumors and hot gossip. When you work from home, you will know exactly what is in your fridge, and you’re going to look at your stomach fat in the mirror a lot more often. You might notice yourself losing weight at first since you won’t be sneaking a third Krispy Crème from 1 of the 5 boxes skinny Kevin brings in every day. Did I mention he never asks for anyone to pitch in? That dude has to be selling drugs on the side or something.
Anyway, you no longer have to worry about these kinds of distractions, but you might miss that Tammy in accounting is getting married or your secretary has been missing for a couple weeks, and you still think his name is Brian…Bryant…maybe Tina? Shit did I hire someone else? Anyway, you might lose touch with your colleagues.
One way to help this is to visit the office once a year, like some kind of damn phantom. There is nothing better than to abruptly appear in someone else’s office and watch them struggle with what the hell to talk about. It usually goes like, “Hey Gabe, good to see you man! You look good! How is working from home? Yeah, good! No, the kids are great. They are getting big… Looks like you got a tattoo on your neck—ouch! Does that say ‘Anarchy MOFO’? Nice! Fight the system, am I right? Well, I gotta get back to these reports. I need to get them back to John by COB. Good to see you man!” You will have this conversation 10-15 times that day, but when you do your yearly review, you can claim you visit the office regularly.
Another tip to stay close to your colleagues is to “Friend” them on Facebook (no matter how well you know them), and send them fake office rumors. Then be sure to leave divisively vague comments on their page, always pulling the conversation back to religion or politics. This is a great way to stay remote.
2. Networking is A LOT HARDER!
If you are trying to find a new gig in teleworking, it can be much harder from home. You have to depend on job sites like Indeed, LinkedIn, and other professional websites to get your name out there. You will have a harder time relying on the word-of-mouth of your co-workers since you are slightly less connected when you work remotely. It might not just be a new gig either. Sometimes promotion opportunities within your current organization will be harder to pursue when you work remotely. It is harder to get drunk with your boss and have her accidently tell you about all the losers who applied for the new position. You might not overhear that Selma in accounting thinks you’re cute, but hates that you drive a Volkswagen. (How can you hate that? Selma you’re cute, but my Gulf is the JAMMMM!)
3. Productivity Expectations
Many people who work in an office environment complain about interruptions from people stopping by their desk cutting into their work. When you work from home, you don’t have that distraction from coworkers nor a reason to wear pants, which really helps with your day. Though, you do run the risk of over-working without the commute and pressures of getting home. Your typical workday might last from 8 a.m. to 3 days from now pretty easily. Your coworkers will be annoyed that you keep scheduling Zoom meetings at 11 pm because you haven’t left your office since March. This can lead to burnout, of course. Sure, you delivered a killer report, but getting emotional at the end of the meeting because you’re worried that Brittany Spears is being held hostage by her Dad was a little too much.
Just because you work from home does not mean you should neglect maintaining a work-life balance. Make sure you are taking time in the morning and the evening to do something to unplug. Since you work from home, getting into something weird that makes your neighbors nervous is always awesome. Tai Chi in the front yard, aggressive circuit training with screaming, or just setting up an easel in the street and painting their house with watercolors are all great hobbies to make your neighbor keep their distance.
4. Gets a little lonely at times
Sure, it’s great working in your sweatpants, but what if you want to share your pants with someone else? I mean, don’t get me wrong, solitude can be great for productivity or it can be a distraction in itself. If you find yourself missing the office banter, one thing you can do is strike up banter with strangers in line at the grocery store. This way you can gossip about coworkers and it never gets back to them! “Can you believe that Tammy drove drunk into that parade after happy hour last week? Oh man, that was bad. So many police. Luckily she hit the Dairy Queen float before she hurt anyone! I mean the girl in the float was wearing some giant ice cream thing on her head so it saved her from the fall, but get it together am I right?!” These kinds of conversations with strangers can help you make friends. I mean not yet, but soon it will pay dividends.
Another tip is to name your pet after your boss. I know this is a little weird, but it will make you more comfortable having the hard conversations with your boss because you will see them as a beloved pet. Just, maybe don’t bring your pet to the office picnic and scream, “Aww god, Ted, I don’t want to deal with your shit!” when your dog poops on the sidewalk. Obviously, your boss might think you are talking to them. Then you have to explain to your boss that you named your dog after them and that’s weird. Then, in my experience, you have to sign a waiver from HR that you will seek therapy. I mean just take it from me, leave Ted home.
5. Take a training class to improve your work skills
When you work from home, sometimes you will be overlooked for trainings that are taking place in your office. So, be sure you make a point when you meet with your superior to talk about possible trainings you can take. Also, don’t wait on your boss to offer trainings. If you seek them out, it makes you look like you want to grow in your profession which is always a good thing. For instance, last year I asked my boss if I could take a lightsaber combat class, a baking with Beyonce class, and a paint your neighbor’s house in water colors on an easel in their yard class. My boss denied all of my requests, and that is why my dog’s name is Ted.
6. Working from home takes it own set of skills
When you work from home, it forces you to be more resourceful, have a strong work ethic, and be an excellent communicator. It also makes you keenly aware of what is behind you on all video conference calls. Make sure you take down that sexually charged sculpture you bought in Belgium from behind your desk because Beth in accounting is not ready for that kind of heat. Also, always check to make sure you are not on mute and always give the person that is talking on mute the hardest time possible. Be sure to bring it up at every happy hour until you leave the company so that person never forgets it. “John you just kept talking and talking and no one can hear you. HA! Am I right guys?” People eat this stuff up! Also, if someone’s microphone is not working, make sure you yell I CAN’T HEAR YOU so loud that your other coworkers are uncomfortable. You will make sure these rookies get their shit together.
7. Working from home is not for everyone
Like everything in life, there needs to be a balance for there to be joy and success. Some people may love working from home, others may not. The amazing thing is that the time we live in offers us so many options to get our jobs done. I mean, it is amazing how we can connect with each other in so many ways with the technology we have. You would think it would bring us closer, but instead it has created a world that feels like you are sitting next to your racist Uncle Brett at Thanksgiving 24/7. In times like these when we are closer than ever, we should be sensitive to the challenges everyone is facing while navigating the waters of our new normal.
Although, we probably don’t need any of this technology bullshit. Most of it just brings out the worst in human beings since it plays on our need for acceptance, fuels the ego, and we become more disconnected from the earth and what it means to be truly alive … Nahh “Alexia can you tell me how things make me happy?”
Gabe Weigle 
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