7 Tips to Improve your Yoga Manners

During the pandemic, a lot of us are searching for an inner peace which was lacking in our lives even before The Great Pause.  Now that many of us are spending a lot more time at home, we are looking for things we can do to achieve this with what we have access to.  A great way to get mentally and physically healthy is yoga.  Yoga is a group of physical, mental, and spiritual practices which originated in ancient India.  You will be introduced to many postures, breathing techniques, and paths of thought to explore you as you get deeper into this practice. Due to the circumstances of the pandemic, a lot of you will start your yoga practice virtually. I wanted to give you some tips to keep in mind when it is safe to attend a yoga class again. So, without further ado, my seven tips to make your first yoga class a success:

1. Show up clean

Most yoga studios are not very large, so if you arrive already smelling funky, it is going to be hard to reach any kind of tranquility. I mean, training for that half-marathon is great, and what could be better than bragging to a captive audience about your training regimen during your post-training-run stretch?  This might sound great to you, but you’re coming into a tranquil setting and smelling like a trash can will distract everyone from a great experience.  Also, you will also suffer from pit, back, and butt sweat stains on your clothes.  I know you think everyone will be in the same boat, but just know your boat is different, and it smell like a trash barge in the Hudson River.  Just take the time to grab some clean workout clothes (and maybe a shower) so you can come in refreshed and ready to focus on your inner Zen.

2. Do not refuse to use a yoga mat

Listen, I get it. No one likes to be told what to do, but man those yoga mats are useful.  You will be surprised how much your feet sweat, and next thing you know, you will be tasting the yoga studio floor during downward dog.  You might think people would feel bad for you, but I guess some people took it the wrong way when class started late because someone got in a shouting match with the instructor about not using one.  I mean, I would have been fine in my basketball shoes but nooo evidently my shoes were squeaking so much, it sounded like an NBA Playoff game in the back of the room … Anyway, I lost a tooth.  I mean, the poor guy lost a tooth when his face impacted the yoga floor, so just use a mat. It’s safer for everyone!

3. Try not to eat

Make sure you are not hungry during your yoga class.  Be sure to eat a small meal before or maybe a small snack on the way there so you are not distracted.  We all have busy schedules, but there is no excuse for trying to eat a Subway Turkey Club foot long during a hot yoga session (I have been told).  If you do attempt to eat during yoga, especially a sub, you are going to run into a lot of issues.  Breathing can be difficult in poses, especially if you are inverted while chewing.  Dressing or mayo might drip on your yoga mat, causing slippery conditions.  Plus, you may be judged by your fellow yoga participants since everyone has different beliefs when it comes to the 5 second rule.  So, it is best to leave the food out of the studio, (but Subway does make a nice club and at times it has taken me to a place of Zen. Just saying!)

4. Don’t talk trash

Even if you are a competitive person, yoga is not a place to talk to trash to your fellow yogi’s.  Some postures are easier than others.  If you are nailing a Mayursana pose and the person next to you is struggling, it’s not cool to say, “Do you even stretch bro?”  Also, if someone is doing a pose wrong, it is not appropriate to boo them even if you think it might be a learning moment for them.

It is also important to remember that you are learning and won’t be perfect at every pose. So, when your instructor does a pose that you find challenging, you should not yell, “Get a job you dirty hippy! Nobody loves you!”  That, I have been told, is way over the top and not helpful in anyway.  Yoga is all about quieting your mind, so you need to do the same with your mouth. Though, I still like to whisper “I am better than you” to the instructor as I leave every class.  I feel like it sets a tone that I am on a path to yoga domination, and I also have been told I still really don’t understand yoga.

5. Don’t look at someone’s butt too long

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Man this guy is a perv!” Let’s all be honest here. You are going to look at a butt or two.  Don’t assume it is just good butts; there are many bad butts. There are also those, “Man that’s one boring butt,” but you are definitely going to look at some butts during yoga.  You will want to use a glancing technique that has been perfected throughout the years.  Start by looking towards a neutral object, moving your head towards it, but on the journey to seeing said object, get a good look at that butt you want to check out.  If you are fascinated by tushies, you’ll want to keep that in mind.  Say you get locked in on this guy who has the most boring butt you have ever seen.  I mean, that butt is like the DMV of butts, and next thing you know he is glaring at you. Then, after enduring the stare-down, you get yelled at in a parking lot that you are some kind of deviant.  Listen, you are going to have to look at a butt whether you like it or not; just keep it moving.

6. Wear comfortable clothes

You might hear terms like “movement clothes” and immediately want to fight the person who said it, but they are a good idea.  Some fabrics like denim, corduroy, and leather are not great for yoga so you’ll want to stay away from them.  If you wear any of these fabrics to a yoga class, your body is going to make noises that are confusing for everyone.  You should not where a hooded sweat shirt during yoga either, no matter how comfortable it is.  I mean, yeah, you want to get your sweat on, but that hood is going to haunt you like that boring butt you saw last class.  Every pose it will flop down over your head and eventually you will lose your mind and tear it off of you, throwing it across the studio yelling, “I made a bad choice!”  People will think you have anger issues, and you will be asked to sign a slip of paper which states that if you have another outburst, you will need to leave the studio indefinitely. 

7. Don’t slowly undress during hot yoga class

Hot yoga comes as advertised, and it is friggin’ ridiculously hot.  You are going to want to dress for a warm environment at the very start.  I made the mistake of wearing sweatpants, but luckily they were the tear away basketball type. I have been told if you rip them off like you have been subbed into a Final Four game, it can be distracting and to just come in shorts.  Also, if you do need to remove your shirt, it is frowned upon to swing said shirt above your head and say, “Daddy likes it hot” to the yoga class.  Even though it IS hilarious, there is no place for it in the yoga studio. There should be no scenario where you end a yoga class in just your underwear, no matter how hot the class is.  Even if you get a little discombobulated by the heat and walk through the lobby to your car in your tighty-whities, it is still considered public indecency and can be misdemeanor if arrested in most cities. Yoga can deal you some tough breaks, so stay focused and have some fun out there!